Thursday, November 02, 2006
On Leading and yin-YANG
"Gentleness should cloak firmness; firmness should be modified by gentleness."
-Bruce Lee
The key to leading is in understanding the necessity for a balance. The taoist belief that yin, which is feminine and gentle, compliments YANG, which is masuline and firm can be used as an analogy for the balance needed to direct a relationship. When you are in a conversation with a woman it is your job to lead her to interesting topics and escalate. The same applies when its comes to setting up initial dates, to extracting and to going for a close. I found this works best when you provide direction, while being open to suggestion. Leading should come effortlessly, a powerful suggestion should appear cool and casual.
Use a casual statement:
"I'd like to carry on this conversation... Lets go have a coffee at Starbucks upstairs."
Rather than asking:
"Are you free for 5 minutes? I'd like to carry on this conversation... Theres a Starbucks upstairs."
When it comes to setting up dates I realised that replacing "would you like to..." with "lets..." makes a difference. Similarly telling a girl who is hesitant "I'm gonna be busy this weekend... the only way we can meet is if we pin something down now." Use firmness (YANG) as the basis for escalation, but be cool and flexible (yin) if things dont happen as expected.
-Aero
